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This is geared towards getting back together. For me, I know that when my ex dumped me I had no care in the [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] world about healing...I only cared about getting together. While I feel that healing is important, I write this because I feel that when you know why you should/should not do something because it will directly affect your chance of reconciliation, you will find it easier to do it. (Which, in this case, is leaving the ex alone....until enough time passed.)

1. Right after you broke up, the dumper's emotion and negative feelings about you are INTENSIFIED. It has very little to do with the amount of negative feelings/emotions they feel towards you when you were together, but has to do with just emotions running high. Nothing is logical at this point in time where everything is still fresh. So you really need to let things cool off.

2. Anything you do will [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] come off as needy/ controlling /undesirable. ANYTHING. [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] Even if it is [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] something that can't be misconstrued, or something they had wanted from you for a long time but you never gave it to them. Anyone else can do these things for them and they will appreciate [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] it, but if it is you doing it it will come off as [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] "rubbing them the wrong way"

I know this doesn't make sense..but I did have evidence. I confirmed with my ex four months after the break up and he admit that he didn't know why he just got angry at me for no reason, didn't know why I made [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] him angry when I just did some typical things for him. His friend could do the exact same thing and he was happy, yet when I did it he just got mad.

So don't go about trying to move mountains for them. you will waste your time and energy.

3. And if you did what I advised against in #2, they would become more sure about breaking up with you. They would think "See? that is why I break up with them. They are always rubbing me the wrong way...look..even now I am being rubbed the wrong way too often."

4. And when someone else made them upset or something else made them upset, the blame would just fall onto you. It would be because you were"annoying them" or "rubbing them the wrong way" rather than because "this new girl/boy rejected them" or "they had a lousy day at work"

This is particularly important if they have [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] a rebound. It is so [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] twisted yet it is true. When they [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] feel good about the rebound/new love interest, [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] they would think the new person is wonderful. Yet when they feel bad/let down about the [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] rebound and you were around to take the blame they would blame it on you. NOTHING is logical at this time. So don't be around so they won't have a chance to make you a scapegoat.Trust me. And they had no idea they were thinking in such twisted way either. Poor them...

This is really true. My ex did not recognize this pattern until I pulled away and he had a chance to think. So STAY FAR FAR AWAY.

5. I know you are feeling that you are afraid that if you are not there, the rebound will take over and take them away forever. I am sorry...if the rebounds work out there is nothing you can do. You have to stay away because whatever you do will push them away further and will help the rebound/ new love interest earn benefits from your hard work. There is really nothing you can do to really stack the odd in your favor. You either leave them alone, or do nice things to them and have the points go to the rebound/make them feel you are rubbing them the wrong way and confirm their decision to break up with you.

6. They don't want to be near you. Period. They will probably warm up again given a month or two of cool off period. But anything before that they would only be cold and dismissive. Don't lose heart yet...usually that coldness was just the result of the raw emotions after breaking up, not how they really feel about you necessarily. To be realistic, maybe they are cold and their feelings about you are almost at 0 but right after breaking up with you everything gets intensified and even them believed that they felt -20 degree cold towards you and totally did not want you any more. You can't really judge the situation or their feelings for you YET. NOT at this time. Leave them alone. You can try to revisit and reevaluate after a month or two away.

Again, I am not saying that after a month or two away they will be all fine and dandy and in love with you--I am just saying that you will be able to see how they are really feeling...
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